Writer's Block

Yeah….m back with quite a silly post.Its been long since i wrote something over here. Reasons first, i was not busy, its just that didn't feel like writing anything or to be true didn't get anything interesting to write. So finally i am here but this doesn't mean i got a topic to write about, i am still blank and have no idea about what this post is going to contain, after all its important to keep blog up to date otherwise this blog will easily get wiped off the memories of my readers(whom i personally send link of my blog to have a look at it :D).

Few lines into this post and i have lost the tempo don't know where this is going, i am now in a dilemma whether to publish it or just delete it. I think its better to delete it. I haven’t posted anything since 3 months but I have tried a lot. These are my incomplete posts and i don't have any urge to complete these.

Someone special: There is always someone in your life whose advice you will always listen. He/she can be anyone your mom, dad, sister, brother or some friend, but there is always a person who would be there for you whenever you need him/her, who knows you more that yourself, in front of whom you could be yourself.Is it easy to find such a person? For me I would say I found that person a bit late in my short life but still no regrets because wait was worth. May be due to that wait I was able to know the importance of that person in my life. And it was only after I found that person that I realized what I was missing in my life till then.

What can you do for such a person?Well I try to do everything for that person and whenever I fail it really makes me sad. Sometimes I even become angry with myself for not fulfilling that persons wish.

Epitaph: A question some one asked me few days back. ”How would you like to be known as if you were to die at this very moment? What would you like to engrave on your epitaph if one is constructed for you?” It was kind of a shocking question, totally unexpected. I thought why would one like to discuss these things…but after sometime I realized that it was ok… How would one be known is summation of his/her deeds done in his/her life time…
Well I would like to be known as some one who was always ready to help, was jovial, and above all loved his mom.

Missing: Why do we miss someone? In fact what do we miss actually? Is it the person or the things which that person does to you? And what if some one else start doing that to you, can you stop missing him/her?
Human mind is really complex, it yearns more for the things than the person itself. And when it gets those things from some other soul it will stop missing the original one.

Addictions: Its been an hour since I wrote the opening line and nothing is coming to my mind, a lot has changed in last 25 days for me, there is no 24x7 net connection available to me now and I feel I have overcome my net addiction for sure, I no more feel the urge to switch on my laptop after coming back from work. Even on Sunday which according to me is the most difficult of all the days to pass I don’t come online.
Although I haven’t found any alternative activity to pass my time but listening to songs on my mobile is quickly becoming a new addiction :D. I have tried my hand at few others like reading but in vain, I bought Khaled Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns for Rs.150 but finished it up in less than 5 hours, so if I am to take up reading novels to pass my time it is going to be pretty heavy on my pocket :P. I have started watching movies every weekend that’s something I missed for at least 6-7 months; don’t know how and when it happened I somehow stopped watching movies in first week of their release.

So now which one of these should i complete @_@?

My first tag!!!

So I have been tagged by miss jaunty, A NUMBER TAG, I feel it not going to be too difficult, seems an easy one to me, let me give it a try. So here is it:

Zero - My class teacher in 12th use to pronounce this as jeero, I have a record of getting out on zero (or duck as they call it in cricket) max no of times in college and yet I was always the first choice for opening due to my over-aggressive batting, also reminds me of ZERO Bridge on jehlum in Srinagar where I used to go with dad to have an ice cream softy, and no of times I have been in love. No value yet the most powerful number of all.


One
I love this number, my lucky no, my roll no in college, no. of times I thought I was in love ;), sum of my DOB 17/04/1987, Signifies position where I want to be, and age difference between my sis and me 1 year, 1 month, 1 week, 1 day :P, My zodiac sign is no 1 on list of 12.


Two
No of best friends I have, poems I have posted so far ;), traffic tickets (challaan) received so far, mobiles numbers I use rite now, schools where I studied, no of std calls I usually make in a day,time to sleep 2 am.


Three
No of friends I made among my batch mates, a small no considering the fact that batch was of 160, but three of them are worth millions, no of times I scored marks in 40s.


Four
Akshat’s roll no. Not able to associate this no with anyone else, ok one more sum of Akshat’s DOB 21/03/1987 :D, no of people I am going to tag.


Five
people say they want 6 figures or seven figures salary, I will say I want 5 figures saving at least from my pay, it is too difficult to save :(, average no of people who comment on my post without me asking them to do so :(, I have given my self 5 years to be what I want to be.


Six
I love to hit sixes, whenever I opened my account it was with a six [6 times out of 10 ;)], no of subjects in one semester during engineering.


Seven
loved the movie SE7EN, my bike is in its 7th year, 7 deadly sins, number i like most after the number 1 because it appears in my birth date.


Eight
Semesters of engineering - best days of my life, 8 am when I usually wake up, No of capital cities I have visited in India.


Nine
It’s been 9 months and 9 days since I have joined TCS, joining date 28/11/2008 so you can check :D, and My total Blog posts till now are 27 again sum comes out to be 9. My wrist watch will complete its 9th year in few months :).


Ten
Kgs I want to lose :P, It’s been 10 years since I have been to Srinagar, really miss those days used to spend all my summer vacations over there, commandments of Jesus, have you people seen newly launched 10 Rs coin?


I hope you all enjoyed this number tag, at least I think I have not bored you.And in the end the most important thing I tag Varuna di, Sukriti, Akshat, Sahil and anybody else who wants to take it up is invited to do so.

P.S : I wont be taking any more tags.

Alone and lonely.

Its been 8 and half months since I left my home and joined TCS, but never in these eight and a half months I have felt so depressing as I am feeling right now, sitting in front of this lappy and no one here to talk to. It is raining outside, I have nowhere to go, perhaps never in my life I have felt so lonely, and to reduce this loneliness I am writing continuously talking to myself so as to take my mind away from this feeling, so that’s the reason for so many posts in little interval.


You know it’s the bitter truth of life, no matter what happens, who you are, there will always be times when no will be there for you to talk to you to make you feel comfortable, to show you the sense of security and those times will always be worst times of your life. Those are times when you hurt your closest buddies, when you do something which makes you fall to level you have never been. I don’t know whether I will be able to come out of this depression or not, but one thing is sure that its been the worst day after such a long time for me.


I don’t think I am going to write any more posts now.

A day will come for sure.

Well this is an original one penned down by me.

A day will come for sure,

When I will stop being sad,
When I will get what I want,
When I will be impeccable,
When no one will say I am possessive,

A day will come for sure,
When I will stop being bad,
When I will not be subjected to taunts,
When I will achieve what is implausible,
When no one will say I am obsessive,


A day will come for sure,
When I will stop being mad,
When I will have a vast knowledge to flaunt,
When my life will be stable,
When no will say I am irresponsive,


A day will come for sure,
When I will only be glad,
When my foes will not be there to a haunt,
When my life’s story would be a fable,
When I will not be pensive,


A day will come for sure,
When I will have all this,
Only then I will say I had had my life's bliss.

Expectations and Suffering!

What do we understand by expectation? If you search for literal meaning of this word on internet you will get an answer. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. If something happens that is not at all expected and you like it, it is a surprise. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment and you will suffer.

“What we anticipate seldom occurs, what we least expected generally happens.”

As lord Buddha stated “that suffering is an inherent part of existence; that the origin of suffering is ignorance and the main symptoms of that ignorance are attachment, craving and expectations.” Everyone expects something from someone and on not getting it there is a sense of disappointment. Expectation is an integral human emotion and if you say you don’t expect then I would say that you are not humane.


I am good with someone if he/she is good to me, and I am not talking about love over here. Even in love people say that it’s about giving and not expecting, I will be blunt and say to those that go and talk to the one who didn’t get what he/she wanted in love, talk to those who failed in love even after giving everything to their lover. In love there are expectations, I would ask those who are love tell me don’t you expect your other half to love you the way you love him/her, isn’t there a craving that he/she should love you more than anyone else in this world, that my dear is expectation and nobody humane can say he/she doesn’t have any expectations.


When you are a kid you expect your parents to take care of you, pamper you, bring you things you want, you cry if your wishes are not fulfilled. As you grow you expect your friends to take your side is small brawls of school and college, you expect your teachers to give you good marks based on your conduct. In profession you expect your colleagues to help you out in case you are in an awkward situation. As a parent you expect your kids to fulfill your unfulfilled desires. And whenever you don’t get what you expect from other one you suffer the pain.


I expect a lot from people I care about, from my friends, and I do get disappointed and then suffer a lot on not getting what I want. I am possessive (refer to my post Possessive!!!!) and I expect a lot and that has caused me a lot of pain over the years, I cant say that I can stop being possessive but I can surely muster enough courage to say that I would stop expecting, and I no I am contradicting myself here as I said no one can say he doesn’t expect, I will say I will stop expecting a lot and will expect very less, that I think is possible.

Goal of life.

"All successful people have a goal. No one can get anywhere unless he knows where he wants to go and what he wants to be or do."

To be true I hadn’t set any goal in my life till last week, I am kind of flowing with the wind and don’t know where I am going. I am working in one of the biggest IT companies of the world but I am one of some thing like a hundred and fifty thousand. I don’t know where I will be after 10 years, I have plans but they are not concrete, my mind doesn’t remain stable on one thing, one day I want to do something and the very next day I am doing something else.


I will say that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth but it is not like that I have a family business for which my dad worked hard throughout his life and I will just get fruits of good will created by him. I have to do something to secure my future, my Dad has always been there whenever I needed something but what are the chances that I can be like him to my son. These lines are exactly what my dad told to me that he being a son of a farmer became a civil services officer, what I have accomplished if I have become an engineer being an officer’s son.


A few weeks back my dad asked me “munna where do you want to be in five years?” I said want to be at home doing nothing. He enquired what my plan is. I said no plans for now but if some how I get 10 million bucks I will be in Jammu for sure. He said “ok if I was to give to such a hefty sum right now what you will do?” I said I will deposit that in a bank and will live my life on interest I will receive from that sum. Anyone else would have given up then and there but since it’s my Dad he said “ok if its so, but what about social life. You will be having no colleagues and all your friends would be busy in their lives, they won’t have time on their hands like you.” I hesitated a bit; dad had asked me a tough one. But as you all know, I am an expert arguer, I replied “ek kiryana store khol lunga subah se shaam tak customers aayenge and I won’t get bored.” My Mom and Dad started laughing I don’t know for what? May be they thought I was witty or they thought I am stupid. But that really was my goal at that moment.


Then once again a few days after that, I visited a senior of mine and he asked me the same question, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Being conscious of the response I got about my kiryana store plan I replied I want to set up an engineering college. He said where will you set it up? I said we have huge amount of land in my ancestral village at a distance of 16 km from Jammu. I felt that I have tactfully ended this discussion but it was not to be. What really followed was a volley of tough questions, like you know how much money is required, how much time it will take to get the accreditation, and how much time it will take to get the classes started. I have made a fool of myself in front of him. But it was one of the goals I wanted to achieve at that time.


Last week at office just as I completed my work, my team mate in project asked the dreaded question, “Mukul what are your plans for the future?” Thinking inside my heart that he must be asking for the three holidays we are having I replied nothing much will watch some movies and hang out with friends. But as luck would have it he was asking about the long term future, so I have to set another goal within a few moments so that I can answer his query. But I knew I have to get out of this very quickly so this time around instead of telling him where I would be in 5 years I decided to tell him what I want to be at the end of my life. I said “Well I would like to be known as some one who was always ready to help, was jovial, and above all loved his mom.” And yeah I succeeded. No more questions were asked from his side. He was kind of dumbstruck due to reply I gave.


But still the question remains what is my goal? I would say I want to a civil services officer and that’s going to be my goal till I achieve it. I am going to work hard to achieve it. I hope I will achieve it.

PS: But about not being corrupt I can’t give you a word. I think I will be corrupt ;).

Possessive!!!!

"Among your negative tendencies is creating jealousy or suspicion on purpose or being obsessive or possessive."

Well I wrote this post around 4-5 days back but was not able to amass enough guts to post it but after a lot of thinking I think it’s perfectly fine to make it public.


POSSESSIVE - The word we come across many a times in our daily life. Generally we say Young children are so possessive they will not allow others to play with their toys. But is that so? Is it only the young who are possessive and is it that possessiveness is to do with some toys or things only? Well to be true I personally feel that everyone in this world is possessive about one thing or another. What in reality causes this possessiveness? Fear of losing the thing you care for more than anything else is greatest cause of person being possessive. And still being possessive is much better than being obsessive (that’s my personal opinion).


I am possessive about my friends sometimes to the extent that I feel insecure that I may loose them to some one else, although they know this and they do everything to make me comfortable but I think one day I will be alone due to this nature of mine because no one can handle a possessive fellow. I do act like a loser many a times. What generally causes this feeling? Hmmm…I am kind of brusque and straightforward in my talks. I say things to people on their faces and that doesn’t help. I have more foes than friends in this world and when someone whom I consider my friend even talks to any of my foe I feel like I have been ditched by my friend, I don’t know why but I don’t feel comfortable with the fact that my friend is even talking to a person whom I hate. I always follow what my friends say to me blindly but some how couldn’t muster courage to order them anything, there is always something in my mind that what will happen if they refuse, no one other than me will be hurt the most.


I don’t know how to end this post but it’s my request to all my readers I don’t want you people to be diplomatic and if you people don’t like me being like that just tell me directly. And for my friends, I don’t want to hurt any of you with this post of mine , it is what I always try to convey to you my dears that i am possessive and I have been like this always. You people are my only support and without you I will be alone for sure, and my life wouldn’t be that easy as you know there are so many people out there who don’t like me. Love you all.

Gareeb Rath !!....not too Gareeb though

I was on vacation enjoying my stay in Jammu when I got a call from office, mukul you need to report to abc location on Monday. Since it was Friday I thought of booking a ticket by tatkal for Sunday evening. But as luck would have it, even tatkal quota tickets were not available. Thinking about what to do my friend told me about the Gareeb rath which goes from Jammu to Delhi on each Saturday.


My first thoughts on this suggestion were who in this world names a train gareeb rath? Traveling by train is not at all cheap although much less compared to air travel it is still expensive if you want to travel via AC. I cursed my luck as I have to travel in gareeb rath. While booking my ticket I came to know that this gareeb rath is fully AC, no non-AC coaches, and cost of ticket is also significantly less than the ticket in other trains. But still lots of permutations and combinations were going on in my mind about the name, I thought may be the AC will not be that cool or the seating may be incommodious, and the weirdest one which I thought was that may be the train will be full of people whom we consider gareeb or as we say in jammu “BAAGDI (बागडी)”. It was kind of strange and even funny to tell someone that I am going to Delhi by gareeb rath. When anyone asked which train I was taking I said “8 bje wali train ;)”.


Finally I arrived at station, Dad dropped me at the entrance of Rly station and with a feeling of “whats going to happen now” I proceeded. Train was on the platform or as they announced “Delhi jammu gareeb rath is scheduled for departure within 5 minutes”. By its outward appearance it looked more like an army vehicle for its color was green instead of usual brown maroon reddish whatever [PS:I am not color blind], the thing is that it was not the usual color you associate with a train. It didn’t take me long to find my seat. From inside everything was similar to other trains. And I was not able to find any gareeb (present if any) in there. So the train started at right time and I kind of settled into journey mode within few minutes, plugging my headphones to my ears started listening to the music.


As I started feeling sleepy around 10 o’clock I was waiting for the coach helper to deliver me blanket and the bedding. As I looked around I saw a man carrying these things, I was kind of assured that I will soon get it. But it was not to be, a few minutes later I saw another man with these then another and finally a women with blanket and bedding. It was kind of weird, so first thing I did is to send an SMS to the friend who suggested me this train inquiring about this. I got to know that in gareeb rath we don’t get blanket and bedding but we have to get it issued by paying a fee of Rs 25. So I got it issued. So leaving the color of the train and this blanket being issued I didn’t see much of a difference in gareeb rath and other trains.


But this is not any other train it is gareeb rath, as this gareeb rath crossed Jallandar around 12 what happened was kind of first for me in train travel. There was complete blackout in all the coaches of the train and it took 3-4 minutes for power supply to resume, so in a way train did show me that why it is named gareeb rath ;). But in the end I will say that gareeb rath is unlike its name.

Friends forever..

We often listen to people say that he/she is my best friend and we will be friends forever. Do you really think that in this mean world it is easy to find someone who will be with you in all your sorrows and happiness. Someone whose advice you will always listen to, someone who will always think best for you, someone who will always be there for you, someone who can make you laugh when you crying, someone who knows you more than yourself. And even if you find such a person what are the chances that you will not lose them?


Believe me if chances of finding such a person is X% then chances of losing him due to a silly act of yours is much greater than X%. Your best buddy is your most precious asset, and it comes with the tag “handle with care”. There are always small things which we should try to keep in mind while handling such a friend. And I am talking like this because I had different best friends in my life till class 10th.Maybe, till then I never knew who is a best friend. But now I think all those friends were not even close to what I feel best friend should be like. Friendship strives on two important pillars trust and truth.


You always bank on him/her to be on your side, you trust on him/her so much some times that when they don’t favor you, you get hurt and in that very moment you may even hurt your best friend with verbal attack. Now is that an act of selfishness? Should you be selfish in friendship? I don’t think that it is selfishness; it is only that sometime you believe in him/her more than you believe in yourself and when that belief/trust is shattered rather unknowingly by the other person or at least you believe that it has been shattered, it leads to sad consequences. One should not lose composure when such a thing happens it’s always better to convey your feelings in a polite way to your best buddy, talk to them, let them know what you feel and they will surely understand your point of view. “Why fight when you can talk.”


Truthfulness is the most important aspect of friendship. Friendship can survive on truth and truth alone if you are hiding something from you mate it means you are not loyal to them. One should not be secretive to his/her buddy but should think of buddy as the secret keeper. After all your secrets will remain so even if you are sharing them with him/her. One should remember the age old saying that happiness increases and sorrow decreases by sharing.


I personally think it’s not easy to find such a person. And I have two such persons in my life. I found them a bit late in my short life but still no regrets because wait was worth. May be due to that wait I know the importance of these two persons in my life. And it was only after I found them that I realized what I was missing in my life till then. I can be me with both of them; they know my weaknesses and always try to help me out whenever I am down and out. And the thing I love is that they know I am really selfish :D as I can’t even think of losing them to anyone else as best buddies ;). So this is for you two and I believe you both will know when you will read this. We will be friends forever, come what may I will always be there for you and will do anything to keep you in good spirits and smiling. HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY to both of you.


God bless you.

Weird fear!!

It been long since I penned down something, so here comes a post which is kind of an intermediate for something interesting. I am writing this one to make sure all my readers (how so ever few they are in number, they are precious to me) keep connected to me through my blog. I hope you people will not be bored by this post of mine.


When you are young you have all kind of weird fears, you are afraid of something which will give you a moment to laugh during the rest of your life. There were many things from which I was afraid of during my childhood, but one particular thing which scared the hell out of me was that of getting my photo clicked in family function or parties or even at the shop for passport pics.


There is a whole collection of pics at my home in which I am not even looking towards the camera and then there are also those pics in which I am acting as if I am sleeping. I would stand in a group and then just close my eyes and leaving my head into the hands of gravity. I still look at those pics and have a great laugh on me being so weird. Then came the time when I could muster enough energy to see towards the camera but without any emotions. Look on my face used to be of a person who has been forced to stand there. If you look at those pics you will think that I am not at all happy to be there. It was not that I was not happy but I wasn’t able to stand that one moment when everyone was looking at me and I had to look towards the camera. There were thoughts running in my “whether I should smile or look away” and in that confusion my pic was clicked every time. Many time in a party I used to hide myself away from my parents eyes so that they could not call me to get myself clicked.


It was like this till few years back when I got my first camera phone and started clicking self portraits. I consciously made an effort to smile every time I clicked my pic, and then with practice I over came this weird shortcoming of not smiling in a photo. No more I feared about getting myself clicked in any functions. Now even in group pics there is an effort put in by me to smile, although sometimes I over do it ;) but I know I will be perfect soon in this if not in anything else.


P.S: Please let me know what this fear/phobia known as?


God bless and keep smiling

From Prodigy to Legend.

I came to know about him when I was in class 4th.Although he was there since I was 2 years old, but I realized his presence in my world only then. After that, if I ever watched the thing he did, it was just for him. I do not know how it happened, but slowly I became his fervent supporter. And a diehard supporter I have been of his for 14 years. I once wanted to be like him but I think that was too much to ask from god. Every mother wanted his child to be like him and when he was hurt on the very first assignment of his work, I have heard that every mother showed her concern for him. There has been no one like him and no one could ever be what he is.


Even now, everyone known to me loves him for his sheer efficacy, for his innate flamboyance, for being punitive to his opponent, for his enterprising, authoritative and impregnable nature. Once he is there, everyone would be engrossed to his indomitable will to win. Everyone was is so eulogistic for him, talking about him even after he is gone/not there. There is unanimity that he always does something prodigious that makes his opponent to be his proponent but it is not that he is unassailable, he is only humane. However, being in a work that requires a group effort, he is the only one subjected to petty criticism. I really hate it when someone criticizes him for not doing his work when the others are also responsible equally, that is boorish on their part. What if he cannot be good leader he has always been the best in his group. If not anything, one should at least take into account his works what he has done in the past. Never has this man spoken against his critics he always let his work do all the talking.


I still remember his works as if they happened yesterday. I remember the way he single handedly did what others do not expect the whole group to do. Those preparations for papers I missed just to get a glimpse of this person at work, the days I spent in disarray because he was not able to do what I wanted, the days I bunked college just for him, the days when he brought smile on my face, the days when he was unexceptionable, the day when everyone felt his loss (the day his father died). There have been cases when I was not able to score well in my tests coz I was busy watching him work. But no regrets I still thank him for all the joys he has given me with tenacity. I like his work due to him, I don’t know what it would be like once he is gone whether or not I would be able to watch that thing with that same enthusiasm or not.


I like him because although he is an Icon, he is humble, naïve and above all loves his mom. He was a prodigy and now he is a living legend. He is SACHIN TENDULKAR.

Best days of my life!!

Listening to Bryan Adams summer of 69 i thought about best days of my life. To be true i can't recollect a particular time that was best part of my life instead there has been a spectrum of short spans which i still remember clearly the days when I enjoyed the most. I am not a gifted raconteur but i do possess a few anecdotes from those days. My college was the best part of my life.

I clearly remember the first day of college, Some ineffable joy and a little bit of tension about getting caught for ragging. But after the first week or so the college was somewhat kind of boring, there used be break in which seniors used to come and will ask the worst singers of jammu......no infact worst singers of J&K to sing something in a proper way, and if that is ragging then what is listening to them known as which I used to do? They will ask us to do all kinds of asinine things, but i was never asked to do so coz of my connections with the super seniors..:D. I don’t remember much about my first year as the only thing I was concerned about in first year was studies. I always tried to be paragon for fellow students which only caused hatred for me. Voicing my concern against mass bunking a class of physics which was in fact is my favorite subject led to a kind of me being kind of pariah for few days in my class. All this somehow led to stratification of my classmates into friends and just batch mates. I think the moral learned in the very first year of my college helped and I always avoided being too confrontational with my classmates on the issue of mass bunking, I bunked when I wanted to they bunked when they wanted to. I never listened to them and never tried to convince them into not bunking a class.

First year was not long, i don’t remember much of it that’s why it seems to be short. Second year was something for which i was waiting, I somehow liked the fact that I can be with people of my branch. Don’t know whether our educational system causes it or the teachers in the college but there is always a feeling in the minds of E&C and CSE branch students that they are superior to students of other branches. I still remember my first class of 3rd sem and we were introduced to one of the coolest teacher of our college at least for us. He taught us in 3rd and 4th sem well, to be frank i think we never allowed him to teach for than 5 mins and we never gave a sessional of those subjects but submitted our assignments on time. No one was failed in internals by him and don’t know about my classmates but I was fully satisfied by my marks in that subject..:P. There was another who was kind of crazy about the fact that I was roll no. 1..he never used to call me by my name but by my roll no. He always tried to give me more attention than any other student of my class which was extraneous by my standards. I sometimes felt that I can’t do anything other than studying during his class which was real hard for me to study continuously for 1 lecture. If I tried talking there would suddenly be a remark from his side " Roll no 1 agar aap aisa karoge to baaki class ka kya hoga " . If somebody else would be talking he would say " roll no 31 aap bahut baatein karte to par roll no 1 se kam " :O. And then one day I couldn't stand anymore.volcano erupted :D and he asked me to leave his class and I moved out few other students also left the class after me. I know it was my mistake but what can I do if he asks me to stand on the bench m not a kindergarten student, we later exchanged mutual apologies and I learned something that teacher is never wrong, perhaps him giving me attention was his way of showing that he wants me to be the best. He left college at the end of 2nd year and is now working as an A.E. in public office. Sometimes I do get a mail from his side. My image of being studious was a little bit decreased and I loved that fact that some teachers of mine thought of me being notorious.

And if that image was decreased in 2nd year it was shattered to pieces in 3rd. The only thing which I love about 3rd year was that I got placed in TCS which made life easy in college, I though there would be no more bashing from teachers " agar padoge nai to companies aane wali hai place kaise hoge " but I was wrong bashing was there but content changed " place ho gye hai to padna hi chod diya hai ".I would call 3rd year the dark age of my college life. Nothing was right, college shifted and we used to go by matador to new campus, never reached on time...and there was always a lot of hooplah created by teachers on this issue although they were also never on time, but somehow their reaching the campus before us gave them all rights to create a fuss on this issue. Got used to listening this statement from lot of teachers " yeh to padne wala tha ise pta nai kya ho gya yeh bhi late aata hai ". How would I supposed to explain them that m also coming on same matador as others, there is no special service for me :P.Third year was long, may be it is always so when you want something to end it never ends.But there are many things to brag about my third year in college. I was among first students of my batch to get placed. I scored in 40s for the first time :D and not in one or two subjects but in three of them :P, at the same time in other three subjects i got almost highest marks :)..And after scoring close to 90 in HODs subject and being proud of that you know what did i have to listen from her, " paper to simple tha aur bhi score ho sakte the ". I am telling you these teachers are most difficult species on this planet to please. I bunked a sessional for the first time and it was not that it was a mass bunk, only me and my friend were not there while sessional was being conducted, and we never asked our teacher to conduct another one for us Once again only one sessional given and still got highest internals :D. So whatever teachers say to you, in the end they do care for their favorite students ;), and last but not the least proposed a gal during this time. I know i have given a some kind of neutron bomb to you people by telling this :P.

Finally came the 4th year the last year of my college life. I had set many goals for my last year academically and I am happy that few were achieved and i kind of able to revive my image of being a responsible student. I am proud that our project was considered best by faculty although they never knew that we didn’t make it(thanks to my project partners Akshat, Avi and swastik sir). This will be my advice for all engineers never reveal your source how you did it and from where you did it, just say straightaway say we did it by ourselves. Few things i remember from 4th year was my industrial training at chandigarh(thanks to Lovey Jackass), Being city finalist in IMS quiz(thanks to Sukriti and Jaunty), all Project presentations and the final viva where the only thing we did in a great way was to convice our faculty that we did everything in our project ourselves. 4th year was fun, particularly last sem, we attended classes and only thing teachers told us " bas thode dino mein college se bahar jaane wale ho ab to thode mature ban jaao ". Use to spend time in college even after classes, knew these days will never come back in my life. The bonds of friendship made over the academic period were strengthened. Some friends were lost permanently and some friends were permanently a family. I learned nothing in last year except the fact that I am going to miss these days forever.

Many a times I just close my eyes to sit back and remember those days and I can proudly say those were the best days of my life!!!!!.

Does love Hurts?

Love doesn't hurt; on the contrary, it is amazing! It is the absence of mutual love that hurts.

Love is very a powerful and yet beautiful emotion. Love is a bond between two people that goes beyond logic and reason, one that overwhelms the mind and senses enough to do things that are inappropriate.You cannot choose who you love, and you cannot choose to just stop loving someone.

When only one person out of these two have this emotion they might not realize that the other might not reciprocate and it is this naivety that blinds them from the plain and simple truth that they might get hurt as if they were in a relationship that doesn't mean anything what so ever! When/if they do get hurt then they can't understand why this person, who apparently loved them, did what they did. The answer is quite simple: Either that other person doesn't reciprocate or they need reminding that what they are doing to those that they love the most is in fact hurting them! If they change their ways, at least enough to show that they desperately want to try, then they love you back. If they don't then they don't love you back. The main thing to KNOW, is that you are NOT the only one who has ever, or WILL ever, feel this way. Love does hurt especially if you have been betrayed by the one person that you felt was your life. it hurts the most especially when you put all your time an effort in order to try to make the other person as happy as they can be and regardless of all that work the one you love is not able to see how much you love them and they betray you.

In the end I would I like to add, Love should never hurt. Your words, your actions, your doubt's, insecurities, not wanting to really hear someone, respect someone, etc. is what HURTS the other person and therefore, hurts the relationship. Love to me means Learning what you and the other person you're involved with truly are inside and changing the things that don’t work for the betterment of your relationship.

Unfortunately the word love is used far too often or perhaps the bond associated with that word is perceived to be far stronger that it actually is.

Why do we lie?

There are probably as many alleged "reasons" as there are people. But in the simplest of terms, they all fall into one or more of three groups: fear, greed and hate.


1. Fear of being rejected, and fear of losing something [greed]
2. Fear of conflict
3. Greed
4. Fear of being unpopular
5. Self-protection, Fear of Truth
6. Involuntary Social Flattery:
7. Self-protection through greed and selfishness.

For my best buddy

This one is poem by Trudy Starling dedicated
by me to my best buddy who is surely going to read this.




When you feel sad and betrayed
Who can you count on every single day?
When you feel lost and alone
Who will be there for you in every way?


When you've made mistakes and bad decisions
Who can you count on to tell you you're wrong?
When you feel you can't go on
Who will be there with a feel-better song?


Look into your heart and you will find
That person you can trust is not far away.
Look deep into yourself, don't give up,
For if you do, it's yourself you'll betray.


When you're looking for answers
To all your questions and dreams,
There is one person you can count on,
It's impossible, I know, it seems.


But take a few moments to look deeper inside.
Look into your heart and there you will see.
You'll be surprised when you find out
That you've been looking at ME.

Why is it so?

For some reason I am not in that much mood today. I don’t want to smile, why is it that whenever I feel my life is ok, it starts to go haywire. There’s a famous quote.


“When you want something, the entire universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” [Source: Alchemist]


I've learned that it is so unbelievably hard to make a decision based on the future when it will hurt you in the present… The pain of the making the wrong decision may hurt more in the future than it does in the present… I had my share of good laughs and fun times with friends. I always had this sense that I was different, and somehow almost able to control my surroundings with my thoughts. I am only 22 years old, I have almost everything I ever wanted, and still I feel it’s the other way around.


“Universe never helps.”


Why must all good things come to end? Why can’t be there a happily ever after? Why is it that this world doesn’t understand simple things and works in a complex manner?

And that’s the way cookie crumbles…..

Long time ago there was a guy named Mukul…that’s how it was supposed to start…after 5 months i got one but alas!!!! thanks to my STML[short term memory loss] I forgot…I forgot the idea that would have revived my blog…in fact revive is too less a word to describe it…if written properly it would have left many flabbergasted…that blog entry could have been termed as “literary masterpiece” but I forgot what was the story….may be it was not in my destiny….or I would say may be it is in that part of my brain which contains all these gr8 ideas…may be some day I will find a way to access those ideas and I would be “DA VINCI” of 21st century….there are so many ideas in my brain which are trying to come out….and due to there large nos they are not able to exit properly and when they come out they get intermingled…and I don’t want to waste my precious time trying to separate them out :D…